One to Ten

1. The Cold Sheets

Portia wakes up in her cold sheets of her bed to the daily question What did you eat last night? so she can start yet another pain-staking calorie count, all part of her anorexia based ritual.


2. Bye Bye Mel

Portia De Rossi's husband left her. This made the fact that she is a lesbian more real to her, which started her confusion and self shame.


3. Good News

Portia called her mom after she landed a role on Ally McBeal. She started off her call with "Good news!" and went into further detail of why the saying meant more to her. At age twelve, after proving her mother wrong about not being able to get a job as a model, she got into her moms car and said "Good news. I'm going to be a model." which was an opener to how and why she started becoming so self-conscious, which eventually led to her anorexia.

4. Kali the Fashionista

When De Rossi got a role in Ally McBeal she wanted new clothes to help impress her casting directors. So, Portia called to her fashion-savvy neighbor Kali to help her with shopping. While shopping, the sensitive and vulnerable Portia was made more aware of her "fat" body. Native to Australia, De Rossi asks Kali all about US sizes and what is a "good size to be." Kali helps instill much needed confidence in Portia, but the experience stayed with Portia, fueling her desire to be thinner.

5. In Goes the Runnin' Machine

De Rossi installed a treadmill into her office on the set of Alley McBeal. Between scenes she would vigorously work-out on it. This is the point where her life began to spiral out of control.


6. Suzanne to the Rescue

When co-workers and family began to see dramatic changes in Portia's appearance, they called for Suzanne, a nutritionist, to aid Portia in gaining some weight and being healthy. However, Suzanne becomes an obstacle. Portia seems to ask herself how she will make Suzanne happy, but continue with her old routine.

7. Junk Food in the Passenger Seat

At one point Portia is so low that she has to come up with a sort of "master plan." She had to time when her brother would be home (since she lived with him) and how long her "errand" would take. She then drove to 7-eleven and bought a bag full of junk food. She drove with it in the passenger seat until she parked a block from her apartment, ate it all, then threw it all back up within a fifteen minute period. This is one of her most extreme purging experiences.


8. Porshe, You're Gonna Die

After her family and friends encouraged De Rossi to go to rehab, she was angry and closed off. Michael, her brother, finally sits down with her and burts into tears as he begs her to get better. He looks her straight in the eye and says "Porshe, you're gonna die." This was the spark that made her turn around for the better.

9. Recovery Feels Like S*it

De Rossi explains recovery as feeling like s*it, but she is still in it to win it. Everyday is a battle to put on some weight, but she kept fighting.


10. The Future Wife

In 2004 De Rossi met Ellen Degeneres who was accepting and loving. Just what Portia needed. Ellen helped her through recovery and "showed her what beauty is." They eventually married in 2008. The book itself is dedicated to Ellen.